I just threw up on my dentist
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
