No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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