So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
