another moral hangover. fuck.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
