you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
