Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
