my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
