I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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