I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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