so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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