considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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