I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
