I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
