got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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