So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
