Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
