i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to make out with him forever
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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