Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
