he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
