you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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