i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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