I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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