I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
