sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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