You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
