dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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