Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
