Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
