hotel room ftw
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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