be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
