dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
