upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
