but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I could make wine with my vomit
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
