3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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