I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
