just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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