Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
