So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
