So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
