When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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