Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's great music for shaving your balls
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
