My nipple is on Facebook.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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