in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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