I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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