you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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