he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
