don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
