Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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