The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
