Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..

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(805): View more from California

I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days

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(235): View more from

Why is the turtle in the toilet again?

(1-235): View more from

Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila

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(585): View more from New York

For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.

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