Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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