I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
