How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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