Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she told me i tasted like america
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
