Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can I color on your dick again?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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