News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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