She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
