A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
