There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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