1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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