There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
