If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
