he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
