If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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