Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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