Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You ruined the universe
Randomize
