I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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