Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
