is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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