Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
