Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
