Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
