your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just gargled with NyQuil
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
