Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to align my fucking chakras
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
