Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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