my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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