shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
