Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
