Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
