He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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