He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
