dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
