I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
