It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did I show you my penis last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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