I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
