drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
