words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
