Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
