he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
