Umm I'm too high to move.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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