She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
