This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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