Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
