He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
