he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
