Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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